We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
