All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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