my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
