Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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