You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
