why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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