I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize