There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
