i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
