sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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