i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
