when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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