how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
