Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
