My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
