i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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