Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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