Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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