We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
