Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
