Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize