God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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