id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
