Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
