He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
