Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
do herpes really smell.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
