He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
