I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
