Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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