My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
