remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
