I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize