Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
