If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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