I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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