I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish my penis had a tongue
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
