spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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