As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
