Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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