Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
