You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
