I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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