for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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