My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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