Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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