i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
