erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
