Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
