On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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