NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
