once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
