Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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