There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
