For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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