I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize