I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
