And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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