this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
