when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
