His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize