You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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