Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
