I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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