I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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