So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
