I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
