i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
