we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
