Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
