dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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