If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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