I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
