Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
