At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
