I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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