Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
