his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
