Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
