If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
