She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
