I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
