he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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