No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
