I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there was a trapeze. enough said
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You were trust falling into bushes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
