I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
