Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize