I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize