So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
