And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize