this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
