My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
