I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
