i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
