Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
