I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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