i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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