I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
