Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
