dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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