checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
