I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
