I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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