Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
