Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
