only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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